[ Baymax kneels beside him -- a futile gesture, really, because he towers over Hiro either way. But it's the thought that counts, and with a large robotic hand -- with his fingertips, really -- he cups the side of Hiro's face. ]
You and Tadashi have lost so much. It's okay to grieve, Hiro. It's okay to feel sadness and regret. But you mustn't let those thoughts of what might have been cloud your vision and prevent you from seeing what is.
Hiro, you... you don't know how to take Tadashi back to your world with you. Perhaps there isn't a way. But please understand: Second chances like these, they don't...
[ Desperation, hope and regret flood his processor for the briefest of moments, manifesting as a split-second surge of sensory data. This has... struck a chord with him he did not think he would be touching on today. ]
They very rarely happen, Hiro.
Destiny does not always provide us the most convenient or desirable outcome. There are things that you and he can never have. But Tadashi is here. Against all odds, you have each other. Regardless of how it may have come about, there is no greater gift than that.
[ It doesn't matter. That's what he wants to say. If he can't choose to stay here forever but he can't take his brother home ... what's the point of it all? How does he look towards the future when he has no idea what he can do with it?
It's not that different from home, he knows. Reality doesn't have any guarantees either. But it's harder here. If he could at least take his memories of his brother with him...
None of that makes it past his lips. When he opens his mouth to speak, the only thing that comes out is a quiet sob. He leans into Baymax's fingertips as pathetic little tears roll down his face.
It's all data, it's not real, but his human instincts are strong even in dataspace. What is real is his own flood of desperation in regret, a smaller rising tide in comparison to Baymax's split-second surge. A few flickering images make it past the sheer emotions leaking out of him: his brother, always strong and faithful. Pulling him out of a locker as a kid. Helping him with science projects. Their very last talk on a bridge near the expo hall. The heat of the flames and the explosion knocking him to the ground... ]
[ The rules of physics are different in this place -- given that, in truth, there are none. They perceive the dataspace as they do in a three-dimensional space because that's how they've been wired to perceive the world, but they are ultimately not bound to their expectations.
Case in point, Hiro's emotions and memories bleeding over in such a way that Baymax couldn't ignore them if he tried. He takes them all in, lending his own RAM to processing them so Hiro isn't overwhelmed. He sees them, feels the emotions attached, sees firshand how different his own Hiro's life may have been had he had a brother of his own.
Baymax's 'physical' form here in his own mind is bound to how he perceives himself. First and foremost, he considers himself Baymax: The synthformer, the servant, the protector, nine feet of cumbersome metal and sleek design. But here, now, he longs for a form from a lifetime ago; He remembers the feel of his tailored suits against flesh, the lingering aroma of aftershave on his five o'clock shadow, how his son seemed to fit perfectly against his chest when he held and comforted the boy.
There's no transition, no spectacle -- the change simply is. Baymax pulls Hiro close, holding the boy to a starched shirt and silk tie, with welcoming arms that can hold Hiro as tight as he can without fear of crushing him. He rocks gently, murmuring soothing words as he combs his fingers through the boy's mop of hair, feeling every strand at his fingertips. He hadn't done this is nearly a decade.
The change feels so natural, and Baymax is too caught up in shouldering Hiro's burden that he chooses not to react. There were more important things here, after all. ]
I know, Hiro. I know. It's okay. I know it feels like no one could ever understand what you're feeling, but I do. So much more than you realize.
[ So natural, in fact, that Hiro doesn't even realize it at first. His rush of emotions drain away into a dull ache, something that still hurts but doesn't feel like it might actively drown him. Instinctively, he wraps his arms around Baymax as far as he can reach. He hasn't done anything like this in ages either. Not since he was a relatively tiny kid in a huge high school, clinging to his brother after being trapped in a locker for hours...
And yet it's not quite that either, is it? Another spike of nostalgia goes through him, going back to an even dimmer memory. A faint, fleeting image of two people, warm and comforting. And then a newer memory, of sitting at the table in a familiar kitchen with his brother, getting his first real glimpse of their parents' faces.
He freezes for a moment in Baymax's arms before slowly, awkwardly pulling back just enough to see his face. He knows that face. He saw it in Tadashi's dream, remembers the vaguest hints of it from his own childhood ...
It takes him a moment to do anything but stare. His tears are still shining on his cheeks, wetly. ]
[ Baymax could have cried from the swell of emotion one little word did to him. By all means he should have, really. Perhaps he's forgotten how.
He's no longer a nine-foot robot or a six-foot bodyguard, but a reasonably sized middle-aged man. His suit and tie are tailored, his hair parted to once side, his glasses resting plainly on his nose like he'd always been like this. He was so normal, so unassuming.
He's smiling, but there's something sad in his eyes. Still, he wipes away Hiro's tears with his thumbs and speaks -- his voice is no longer a rumbling synthetic sound. ]
I'm sorry, Hiro. There's so much I haven't told you. I didn't... I wasn't sure how you'd take this. I didn't want you to feel burdened, like you were forced to care about a man you didn't know.
I'm -- Baymax -- is a product of Hiro Takachiho's grief. It's not a life I would have ever chosen for myself, but it's the one that I have, and I'm forever grateful for this chance to stay by my son's side.
[ The expression on Hiro's face is anything but burdened. Awed, maybe, and a little shy. He doesn't really remember his father, after all; he's suddenly beset with the feeling that he has to be a good son to this version too. Tough to do when he already knows a Hiro, is surely proud of him ... Another small spike of jealousy goes through him. His alternate may not have had a brother, but he does have his father. Alive in some way, if fundamentally altered.
His tears slow to a stop. First things first: ]
You're not forcing me to care about anyone. Me and Tadashi liked you already.
[ And love isn't too far a step up from that. Now for the real question... ]
... How? How did he do it? You're really my dad, right?
[ Probably he should distinguish that by calling Baymax "his" dad, but he doesn't really care right now. ]
[ His smile broadens at we liked you already, the sadness melting from his eyes. At the question, he averts his gaze, taking time to think before he responds. ]
It depends on how you look at it, really.
The technology was fairly new at the time. My company was investing in it for development in neuroscience -- I wasn't there for my construction, but I assume Hiro used my clearance to get what he needed to build it on his own.
[ Said matter of factly, as if that kind of corporate espionage was no worse than stealing from the cookie jar. KIDS, AM I RIGHT? ]
I -- Tomeo was a vegetable. For all intents and purposes, dead. Hiro used the technology to download his father's consciousness and integrate it into my programming before the plug was pulled. The memories are there. The personality is there. Every experience and trait that made Tomeo the man he was is a part of Baymax, too. The things he felt and the people he loved are also my own. In that way, I am Tomeo.
But there is more to me than that. My AI was nearly complete before Tomeo's accident inspired Hiro to completely rework his project. There core aspects of me that are independent of him yet no less important. In that way, I am a separate person.
As for whether or not I'm your dad, well.
[ He leans in a little closer, speaking quietly. ]
[ Someone with all the memories of his father, while still sort of being a separate person ... That just strengthens the parallels between his own Baymax and this one. Except he wishes he'd had the chance to download Tadashi. Even if he did it now, it would run into the same issue that he's running into now: how would he get it back home? If they're here and they can change things back in their world, then he'd rather bring over his real brother and not a copy...
But he doesn't need to think of that right now. He opens his mouth a few times like he might speak, but words don't go out. He can't think of anything to say. Just a soft swell of fondness, a little sadness. Hiro had never really known either of his parents - only Cass and Tadashi. And he loves them desperately, to the point where he rarely truly missed their actual parents. But ... there had been times too where he'd been jealous of other kids who had both of their parents. Who had brothers who didn't need to be parents too.
At last, he swallows, and leans in to hug Baymax - Tomeo - tightly. There's his answer right there. ]
[ When Hiro hugs him once more, Tomeo returns the gesture, holding him tightly and rubbing circles into his back with one hand to calm him. It had been so long since he'd had a hug like this. He sighs contentedly, smiling and leaning his forhead against the top of Hiro's head. ]
I love my boy back home dearly, it's true. But in our short time together, I've come to think of you in much the same way.
[ He pulls back a little, brushing a stray lock of Hair from Hiro's eyes. ]
Not because of who you look or act like, but who you are. I don't want you to think you're a surrogate. You, Hiro Hamada, are brilliant, kind, loving, and brimming with talent and potential; Any man would be honored to have the opportunity to call themselves your father.
[ He makes a bit of a face at that fussing. Gosh, the only one who does that is his aunt. And ... now his dad. It takes him a moment to talk past the lump in his throat caused by that particular thought. ]
I - sometimes it doesn't feel like that. Before Tadashi got me to join SFIT - when Crane had me -
[ Maybe the latter really isn't his fault, but that first one? 100% pure brat kid behavior, he's sure of it. Maybe this other Hiro had a wild side too, but he's sure it didn't involve getting his brother thrown in jail. Or any other family members. ]
As I said before, Hiro: I love you for who you are. And every mistake you made and learned from is a part of that, stepping stones on the journey to the you man you are, and the man you may be someday.
You mustn't define yourself by who you used to be, but who you choose to be going forward.
[ Baymax... Tomeo remembers that eye rub well. He slips the glasses off his own face, gently placing them on Hiro's nose -- fitting him perfectly, despite all real world logic. After all, those rules don't apply here. ]
[ Glasses. Right. It feels strange to wear them, even if they do fit perfectly. And they match his prescription too .... He always meant to go back to the eye doctor to actually get himself something decent. ]
[ At the word dad, there's a hitch in Baymax's breath and he feels a stinging in his eyes. When the tickle of something wet rolls down his face, he dabs at the spot with his fingertips before staring at them in bewilderment. ]
I will never regret being their for Hiro when he needs me, no matter what form I take. However...
[ There's a pause, and a wince. Tears are still quietly rolling down your face. ]
You become accustomed to some of the things you can't do anymore. Taste and smell, stretch, sleep... when your body ceases to crave them, they lose their appeal. Other things...
[ He finally lets go of Hiro, shrinking away, genuine sorrow on his face for the first time in years. ]
At first I felt it was too soon after Tomeo's death. Then I was waiting until I felt she would respond well to my new form. The weeks became months, months became years...
Perhaps I'm simply too cowardly to face her like this.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2015-08-31 11:21 pm (UTC)You and Tadashi have lost so much. It's okay to grieve, Hiro. It's okay to feel sadness and regret. But you mustn't let those thoughts of what might have been cloud your vision and prevent you from seeing what is.
Hiro, you... you don't know how to take Tadashi back to your world with you. Perhaps there isn't a way. But please understand: Second chances like these, they don't...
[ Desperation, hope and regret flood his processor for the briefest of moments, manifesting as a split-second surge of sensory data. This has... struck a chord with him he did not think he would be touching on today. ]
They very rarely happen, Hiro.
Destiny does not always provide us the most convenient or desirable outcome. There are things that you and he can never have. But Tadashi is here. Against all odds, you have each other. Regardless of how it may have come about, there is no greater gift than that.
no subject
Date: 2015-08-31 11:31 pm (UTC)It's not that different from home, he knows. Reality doesn't have any guarantees either. But it's harder here. If he could at least take his memories of his brother with him...
None of that makes it past his lips. When he opens his mouth to speak, the only thing that comes out is a quiet sob. He leans into Baymax's fingertips as pathetic little tears roll down his face.
It's all data, it's not real, but his human instincts are strong even in dataspace. What is real is his own flood of desperation in regret, a smaller rising tide in comparison to Baymax's split-second surge. A few flickering images make it past the sheer emotions leaking out of him: his brother, always strong and faithful. Pulling him out of a locker as a kid. Helping him with science projects. Their very last talk on a bridge near the expo hall. The heat of the flames and the explosion knocking him to the ground... ]
no subject
Date: 2015-09-02 05:03 am (UTC)Case in point, Hiro's emotions and memories bleeding over in such a way that Baymax couldn't ignore them if he tried. He takes them all in, lending his own RAM to processing them so Hiro isn't overwhelmed. He sees them, feels the emotions attached, sees firshand how different his own Hiro's life may have been had he had a brother of his own.
Baymax's 'physical' form here in his own mind is bound to how he perceives himself. First and foremost, he considers himself Baymax: The synthformer, the servant, the protector, nine feet of cumbersome metal and sleek design. But here, now, he longs for a form from a lifetime ago; He remembers the feel of his tailored suits against flesh, the lingering aroma of aftershave on his five o'clock shadow, how his son seemed to fit perfectly against his chest when he held and comforted the boy.
There's no transition, no spectacle -- the change simply is. Baymax pulls Hiro close, holding the boy to a starched shirt and silk tie, with welcoming arms that can hold Hiro as tight as he can without fear of crushing him. He rocks gently, murmuring soothing words as he combs his fingers through the boy's mop of hair, feeling every strand at his fingertips. He hadn't done this is nearly a decade.
The change feels so natural, and Baymax is too caught up in shouldering Hiro's burden that he chooses not to react. There were more important things here, after all. ]
I know, Hiro. I know. It's okay. I know it feels like no one could ever understand what you're feeling, but I do. So much more than you realize.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-02 10:37 am (UTC)And yet it's not quite that either, is it? Another spike of nostalgia goes through him, going back to an even dimmer memory. A faint, fleeting image of two people, warm and comforting. And then a newer memory, of sitting at the table in a familiar kitchen with his brother, getting his first real glimpse of their parents' faces.
He freezes for a moment in Baymax's arms before slowly, awkwardly pulling back just enough to see his face. He knows that face. He saw it in Tadashi's dream, remembers the vaguest hints of it from his own childhood ...
It takes him a moment to do anything but stare. His tears are still shining on his cheeks, wetly. ]
Dad?
no subject
Date: 2015-09-02 03:27 pm (UTC)He's no longer a nine-foot robot or a six-foot bodyguard, but a reasonably sized middle-aged man. His suit and tie are tailored, his hair parted to once side, his glasses resting plainly on his nose like he'd always been like this. He was so normal, so unassuming.
He's smiling, but there's something sad in his eyes. Still, he wipes away Hiro's tears with his thumbs and speaks -- his voice is no longer a rumbling synthetic sound. ]
I'm sorry, Hiro. There's so much I haven't told you. I didn't... I wasn't sure how you'd take this. I didn't want you to feel burdened, like you were forced to care about a man you didn't know.
I'm -- Baymax -- is a product of Hiro Takachiho's grief. It's not a life I would have ever chosen for myself, but it's the one that I have, and I'm forever grateful for this chance to stay by my son's side.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-02 08:20 pm (UTC)His tears slow to a stop. First things first: ]
You're not forcing me to care about anyone. Me and Tadashi liked you already.
[ And love isn't too far a step up from that. Now for the real question... ]
... How? How did he do it? You're really my dad, right?
[ Probably he should distinguish that by calling Baymax "his" dad, but he doesn't really care right now. ]
no subject
Date: 2015-09-03 05:12 am (UTC)It depends on how you look at it, really.
The technology was fairly new at the time. My company was investing in it for development in neuroscience -- I wasn't there for my construction, but I assume Hiro used my clearance to get what he needed to build it on his own.
[ Said matter of factly, as if that kind of corporate espionage was no worse than stealing from the cookie jar. KIDS, AM I RIGHT? ]
I -- Tomeo was a vegetable. For all intents and purposes, dead. Hiro used the technology to download his father's consciousness and integrate it into my programming before the plug was pulled. The memories are there. The personality is there. Every experience and trait that made Tomeo the man he was is a part of Baymax, too. The things he felt and the people he loved are also my own. In that way, I am Tomeo.
But there is more to me than that. My AI was nearly complete before Tomeo's accident inspired Hiro to completely rework his project. There core aspects of me that are independent of him yet no less important. In that way, I am a separate person.
As for whether or not I'm your dad, well.
[ He leans in a little closer, speaking quietly. ]
I would most certainly like to be.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-03 10:40 am (UTC)But he doesn't need to think of that right now. He opens his mouth a few times like he might speak, but words don't go out. He can't think of anything to say. Just a soft swell of fondness, a little sadness. Hiro had never really known either of his parents - only Cass and Tadashi. And he loves them desperately, to the point where he rarely truly missed their actual parents. But ... there had been times too where he'd been jealous of other kids who had both of their parents. Who had brothers who didn't need to be parents too.
At last, he swallows, and leans in to hug Baymax - Tomeo - tightly. There's his answer right there. ]
He saved you. He loved you too.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-03 11:34 pm (UTC)[ When Hiro hugs him once more, Tomeo returns the gesture, holding him tightly and rubbing circles into his back with one hand to calm him. It had been so long since he'd had a hug like this. He sighs contentedly, smiling and leaning his forhead against the top of Hiro's head. ]
I love my boy back home dearly, it's true. But in our short time together, I've come to think of you in much the same way.
[ He pulls back a little, brushing a stray lock of Hair from Hiro's eyes. ]
Not because of who you look or act like, but who you are. I don't want you to think you're a surrogate. You, Hiro Hamada, are brilliant, kind, loving, and brimming with talent and potential; Any man would be honored to have the opportunity to call themselves your father.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-03 11:49 pm (UTC)I - sometimes it doesn't feel like that. Before Tadashi got me to join SFIT - when Crane had me -
[ Maybe the latter really isn't his fault, but that first one? 100% pure brat kid behavior, he's sure of it. Maybe this other Hiro had a wild side too, but he's sure it didn't involve getting his brother thrown in jail. Or any other family members. ]
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 12:35 am (UTC)Those things in your past weighing down on your conscience --
--would you do them again?
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 12:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 12:49 am (UTC)What more could anyone ask of you?
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 12:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 01:01 am (UTC)You mustn't define yourself by who you used to be, but who you choose to be going forward.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 01:02 am (UTC)I can try.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 01:11 am (UTC)And I can help.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 01:13 am (UTC)Then ... I guess we'll work on it together, Dad.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 01:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 01:57 am (UTC)Been a while?
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 02:04 am (UTC)A long, long while.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 02:05 am (UTC)[ Gosh, that makes his heart ache a little more. ]
Do you ever regret it? Being like this?
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 02:28 am (UTC)[ There's a pause, and a wince. Tears are still quietly rolling down your face. ]
You become accustomed to some of the things you can't do anymore. Taste and smell, stretch, sleep... when your body ceases to crave them, they lose their appeal. Other things...
[ He finally lets go of Hiro, shrinking away, genuine sorrow on his face for the first time in years. ]
My wife doesn't know.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 02:30 am (UTC)You can't tell her?
no subject
Date: 2015-09-04 02:36 am (UTC)[ He bows his head. ]
At first I felt it was too soon after Tomeo's death. Then I was waiting until I felt she would respond well to my new form. The weeks became months, months became years...
Perhaps I'm simply too cowardly to face her like this.
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